Camera Man (Chandler): Hello, and welcome to Steven's Pointless Stories. Filling in for Steven today will be Brendon Marsh.
(Golf Claps)
Brendon: Alright, see, one time, I was watching this movie, and it's about this blob thing, that, like, is oil, and you find that out later, and it like shoots stuff at you and eats you with it and-
C: It eats you?
B: Yeah, it eats you, for to gain your knowledge, so it can--
C: Whoa, whoa, lemme get this straight. It eats you to gain your knowledge. Why does it need your knowledge?
B: So it can understand you.
C: What good is that gonna do?
B: It lets it gain your knowledge, new and old, and then--
C: Yeah, yeah. Why the hell does it need to know anything? It's a god damn blob for crying out loud. It needs to know, what, how to roll on top of people. And that's it! It doesn't need knowledge from PEOPLE. It should just eat a book on endocytosis. Boom! Problem solved.
B: No, no, you see, it needs your knowledge to take over the earth and--
C: Take over the Earth? The only way it's gonna do that is by eating everyone! All the "Knowledge in the world won't do you a lick of good if you're a blob bent on world domination, that's what I always say.
B: Would you just shut up and hold the camera? Any ways, it, like, can't digest metal and stuff, so it--
C: Hey, if it's made of oil, why doesn't someone just throw a match at him?
B: Look, just shut up and let me tell my story!
C: Yeah, no problem, you go ahead and tell your story about some big, clever ball of crap, that eats people in order to "Gain their knowledge". Geeze. It's not like they don't let these kinda shmucks into High School.
B: (ignoring) It digests flesh, but not metal, so it poops--
C: Yeah, yeah, go ahead and talk about your super negroid amoebae with the sensitive stomache and the flame retardant membrane.
B: (attacks camera) Let me tell my story, you question asking moron!
C: Oh, yeah, great story. I'm Brendon! Ner! I tell stories about big, black, brainy blobs! Ner!
B: Why I oughtta--
C: Help! I'm being attacked by a giant blob! He's going to obtain my knowledge!
(More fighting)
C: Join us again next time, for OW! Jesus!
(Fin) |
