(Chandler is sitting in chair, doing something intelligent)
Announcer: Welcome to Ask Mr.Chandler. Here he is.
Chandler: He-llo! I'm Mr. Chandler, and this is Ask Mr. Chandler, the show that ranked last in the annual Twelve Year Old Girl Poll. (Pulls out letter from his pants) Our letter today comes from Mary. Mary writes:
Dear Sir or Madame:
What the hell does "ner" mean. You've been saying it in every damn sketch.
Best wishes,
Mary
Well Mom, that's a very interesting question, and I'm glad you asked. It all goes back to the days when witches roamed the Earth. But to make a long story short, it goes back to my early ninth grade years, when I was but a wee freshman. You see, I often felt the need to severely critisize someone through imitation, but I didn't want to go to all the work of using accents or catch phrases. That's when I found "ner". (pulls out NER poster) You see, ner is a word like none other.When used properly, ner provides a zany way to imitate someone, without the hassle of wit or talent. The traditional method is as follows:
Simply state the person's name, as if it was your own, in a taunting voice. Then, in a different sentence, state "ner". An example of this is "I'm Brendon! Ner!" Keep in mind that I am not actually Brendon, though I seem to be, through the use of ner. Here are some incorrect usages of ner:
"I'm ner! Brendon!" You see how this is much less effective. Ner is an exclamation, and should be stated by itself, immediately following a complete sentence. Another often made mistake is "You are a ner!" or "There seems to be some ner between your teeth." Keep in mind that ner is neither a noun, ner a pronoun. I mean nor. Another variation on ner is to replace the name with an adjective, or common noun, as in "I'm gay! Ner!" or "I'm homework! Ner!" Once you have mastered the traditional form of ner, you can add to the phrase a supporting sentence, and follow that with ner. This gives an even greater effect. Here is an example: "I'm Chandler's mom! Ner! Go walk the dog! Ner!"
Ner can be useful in everyday life, not just when taunting aquaintances. A normal stand up comedian my spend years working on his Clinton expression. But a stand up comic with ner as his ally can reap the same effects by merely stating: "I'm Clinton! Ner! I'm the President! Ner!"
yes, it's true, ner is a very powerful word. Well, ner started out small, but it didn't stat that way. (Holds up NER Inc. Sign) Soon, NER Incorporated was established, and now, well over 80% of the human population work here, as well as several ducks. Well I hope that answers your question, Mary. I can see that I'm out of time, by the fact that all the cameras are gone. Evenin' all.
Announcer: Join us again next time for another Ask Mr. Chandler.
Fin. |
